The thesis sentence stated the natural ecosystem conserve the exploited potential followed by ecosystem system could assist in saving lives and sustaining livelihood. The exploited potential is explained in paragraph 4 and ecosystem saves life and sustaining livelihood is explained in paragraph 2 and 3. I suggest exploited potential to be explained in paragraph 2 and ecosystem saves life and sustaining livelihood is explained in paragraph 3 and 4 instead.
There is also problem with sentence structure for the thesis statement. The use of semi colon should be "independent clause; conjunctive adverb or transition phrase, independent clause".
The in-text citation (Coral reefs and mangroves act as natural barriers against tsunamis, para. 13) does not have the year.
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Thank you joshua for your comments.
ReplyDeleteThe arrangement of my contents in paragraph 2 – 4 is due to the fact that saving lives and sustaining livelihood has more importance to us, instead of the unexploited potentials. However, you have brought up a good point on the difference in the order of my introduction and the body paragraphs. I would make the necessary changes to my introduction.
Secondly, the punctuations in the thesis statement are indeed a mistake on my part; I should have placed the semi colon before “at the same” and comma after it.
Lastly, the article on “Coral reefs and mangroves act as natural barriers against tsunamis” was written on the January 2005, which I have indicated in the references. I was unaware that the year of publish was require in the in-text citation, hence, I would get it amended.